On Being a Lesbian/Queer Wedding Officiant in New York

Updated 6/29/11

Most couples who enlist my services will never know.  I do not look “gay” ish.  And a combination of a limiting gender language system and laziness when it comes to explaining stuff provoke me to use “husband” or “partner” to refer to Liam.  But I am, seriously.  Like a power suit, the dress worn to officiate weddings is a costume, and I seldom shave my legs.  I’d rather wear yoga pants, and in the winter, I sometimes do underneath the robe!

When I met Liam, he was called a different name (“Wilma”) with a different gender identity.  It took Wilma a few weeks to convince me to marry her; the first proposal on the subway was met with lots of resistance.  Before that proposal, it took her a few weeks to convince me to repress beliefs that monogamy is unnatural.  At the time, I was teaching urban sociology; gender studies, cultural studies, and political economy were my areas of expertise.  And, yes, I revel and continue to revel in all the radical edges of those areas.  However, since I am a bit of a loner anyway, the personal separated from the political.  And I agreed to marry “Wilma” and bracket dreams of a postmodern harem.  We married in Toronto in December 2006.

Nine months later, Wilma announced the desire to be transgender — a FTM.  Yeah, that was hard.  It was also annoying: all my students knew me as queer, and my entire social identity came crashing down.  After a few brutal rejections by me, I agreed to marry him again in December 2009 in NYC, as New York has very liberal policies in such matters: no one checks or questions the driver’s license as proof of identification, even when challenges surface in courts.

Anyway, to the point.  For a myriad reasons, I have since become a celebrant and registered marriage officiant.  I ditched teaching; the life of an adjunct is only fun for a few years.  And, with the passing of the Marriage Equality Bill in New York, I am personally elated to be able to share the joys and trials of what it means to legally marry.  So, if you are looking for a someone who will officiate to your same-sex / GLBTQ wedding in New York, do feel free to send me an e-mail at NewYorkOfficiant@gmail.com.

One Comment

  1. Katrina Kogutkiewicz

    When I found your site last year, I was drawn in by your comfortable attitude and acceptance. You and Liam are a wonderful couple with an amazing story. Thank you for sharing your story and talent with us!

    And congratulations to New York! It makes us wish we were there more than ever.


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